Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Day 18 - Elisyn

Today is always that special day of the year . . a day filled with such joy, hope and sadness.  As much as I love this girl, I know half a world away that a mother and father grieve the loss of their precious baby girl.  Would I ever make the same choice they did in search of HOPE for their precious daughter . . the answer is always yes, and in the past few years we have had to make such choices.

You can read the beginning of Elisyn's 28 Days of Hearts journey here and here.

Being an adoptive parent, you celebrate lots of different dates in your child's life.  Many celebrate gotcha day, adoption day, the day your child became a US citizen, birthdays etc. .  for us we like to celebrate October 24, 2011 - the day modern medicine gave Elisyn a second chance at life.  

Today, Elisyn's heart and her pulmonary hypertension are stable.  They are still watching some things that will need surgical intervention in the future.  Her pressures while still high have not increased or decreased.  She is still in heart failure, but if you look at her, you would never know.  We still have HOPE that by the time her heart is too weary they will have invented a mechanical heart or something that will be able to sustain her life further as she isn't a candidate for a heart transplant.  We will always have  . . .

But even with HOPE, Elisyn's deepest, darkest issues are her trauma.  I spoke briefly about it during last years post.  This past year we sought help from a neurologist, psychiatrist, attachment therapist, therapist, doctor and cardio team.  And we were not surprised to find that there were indeed problems neurologically.  But like any child that goes so long without surgical intervention they are bound to deal with issues from hypoxia (a lack of oxygen to the brain) and during such an extensive surgery she also suffered more brain trauma and bleeds.  Unfortunately, none of this can explain the depth of her trauma.

But no matter how she tries to push those that love her away and no matter what she may do to try to ruin things . . . and no matter how she hides from us all.  We will still love her, just as if she was born to us.  And we will never give up HOPE that one day she may be free of the chains that bind her to the severity of her trauma.  Because we know that once upon a time . .

there were smiles and laughter that filled her hearts.  Some days I wish I could erase the 2.5 months at the hospital . . erase 21 days of not being able to put anything to her mouth . . erase the 3 major surgeries and 18 procedures . . take it all away just to see this girl one more time.  

but then I realize that without her heart surgery and long stay, this girl might not be with us anymore.

So we will take the good with the bad .  . and we will continue to pray over her.

Because this life is so worth it.  She is worth it.


LisaE. said...

Jaime, she is so beautiful. I am sorry for the struggles she has had but so thankful she has you! Praying for her heart to heal both physically and spiritually.

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